Quarantine Days 1-5

Several years ago, I cracked open a fortune cookie with a fortune that said, Just to be alive is a grand thing. I have been thinking about this for the last five days after a rapid Covid-19 test I had taken at Walgreens came back positive. I was at work when I opened the email and I immediately burst into tears. And then promptly left work.

On Saturday night, I had gone to a Christmas-themed bar to celebrate a friend’s birthday. The bar was uncomfortably warm and crowded, and I suppressed my natural inclination that it did not feel safe to be there. I felt overtaken by the urgency for normalcy and socialization.

 

By Monday night, my friend had texted me saying the woman and her husband who had both been sitting next to me tested positive for Covid-19. They had gotten it from her parents who found out they had it on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, and did not tell their daughter. Selfish fucking people. 

 

Not counting Wednesday, I am on my fourth full day of quarantine. The world is quiet and time is standing still like never before. I am lucky, I know. I am fully vaccinated and my symptoms are mild. But this is still fucked up. I am contemplative. I am angry. I am pissed off. I am content to not be working. But I am isolated and wondering. 

 

I got another test on Thursday to make sure it wasn’t a false positive, which I knew it wasn’t. My sense of taste and smell were gone. My nose had turned into a snot factory. The weather was worthy of a Taylor Swift album that day, golden light and nearly 70 degrees in December. I drove to my appointment with the car windows halfway down and soaked in as much fresh air as I could. 

 

Later that day, I texted my mom to let her know I was home. I had needed a prescription to be picked up from my Kroger as well as some Tampons. My dad ended up going to Kroger for me (to unknowingly pick up birth control) because my mom wouldn’t go to that location. My dad would not buy me tampons so my mom came by later in the afternoon to drop those off. I felt like I was in a sitcom. There was no need for this to be a situation with two different drop-offs. “Thanks for the birth control!” I laughed while watching my father walk back to his car.  

 

I was texting with someone close to me recently and they said, I hope the booster doesn’t fuck me up which feels shitty to say since you have it. And I had to say, I honestly don’t know how to respond to that. My feelings were hurt and I stopped texting after that. Besides the insensitivity to what I am going through, I was trigged by selfish friendships in the past. The next day I was able to stand up for myself and say how that comment had hurt me. They apologized and let me know they respected my space and to take all the time I need. 

 

A friend encouraged me to start looking for my dream job. And I have to believe there is something inside this time to evaluate what I truly want for my life. How do I get there? How do I make it happen? How do I find a way out of a life I was born into?

 

Currently Reading:

 

Bourdain: The Definitive Oral Biography by Laurie Woolever

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

 

What I Have Been Watching:

 

Get Back – I have made it halfway through the first episode of the Beatles documentary by Peter Jackson. It’s fucking boring and long as shit.

 

Gossip Girl – Finished the first season of the rebooted series and I am here for it. 

 

Sex Lives of College Girls – Yes. Best new comedy on HBO. 

 

Pen15 – I watched all the episodes of the last part of season 2 on Friday night. And it was incredible and triggering.

 

The Power of the Dog – Incredible. Always happy to see Jesse Plemons aka Landry/Lance from FNL. That Cumberbatch guy is pretty good too.